________ ________ ________
2019-07-12 / \/ \/ / \
/ __/ /_ _/
I have a confession to make. Back in May / _/ / /
I talked about "trying dextromethorphan one \_______/_\___/____/\___/____/_
time" but what I really should have said is / \/ \/ / \
I tried it one time, then again and then / _/ /_ _/
developed an embarrassingly persistent robo /- / _/ /
habit. I secretly, and now I suppose semi- \________/\________/\___/____/
publicly, love it to death.
I'd never messed with dissociatives or really had any interest in them,
psychedelics were far more fascinating, but now I'm sold.
I mentioned before that someone I was speaking to online would combine the
dex with codeine and I had one pill left from the last box I was gifted so on
the day after my uncle's death I took the two together and it was beautiful.
In my life I am never still, my mind rattles with ideas and anxieties and
my body fidgets endlessly with allergies and tics, but for two or three hours
I just stopped, completely. My mind was empty, my body was still. I was
nowhere but where I was, no future wants or needs or plans, no past anxieties
repeating in my mind ad-nauseam.
I sat at the kitchen table, I made a pot of tea and savored it, I listened
to music and was lost in it.
It's been so long since I'd listened to music without a goal, without
trying to build a playlist or using it as a motivator or distraction. Just
letting myself absorb it.
It was unlike anything I'd felt before. I was at absolute peace. Is that
how "normal" feels? Freed from an anxious brain and freed from an aching body?
The heady high lasted maybe about three or four hours, I remember I was
still floating but much more lucid by the time my wife came home, and I was on
my second pot of tea.
I jokingly refer to my usual dose of codeine and caffeine as "getting
online" because it's such a fantastic balance for me to get my body out of the
way and let my brain work hard. If that combination is online then codeine and
dex is not only offline, it's computer switched off and modem packed tidily
away so you can go stand in a sunbeam.
Now that's out in the open, my next FAX SEX file won't be about death or
drugs, I promise ahahaha.