HN Gopher Feed (2017-09-03) - page 1 of 10 ___________________________________________________________________
You are not 'behind'
183 points by mooreds
http://zackkanter.com/2016/01/13/you-are-not-behind/___________________________________________________________________
[deleted]
bshimmin - 9 hours ago
"It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my
age, he had been dead for two years." ? Tom Lehrer
Maro - 6 hours ago
Personally (I'm 36) I like the 'pressure' I receive all the time,
from all over the place, like the ones mentioned in the article:
why don't I have a six-pack, why am I not more 'perfect' with my
g/f, why am I not working on my startup, why haven't I made a
billion yet, why is Elon Musk so f---ing more productive, and so
on. It shows me that more can be done, I could do more, it pushes
me to do more. I realize it would be more comfortable to not have
all these pushy signals around, but comfortable is sth I want to be
when I'm 50+ or 60+, not right now.
mhh__ - 3 hours ago
Well, Elon Musk is so wealthy has no excuse for not being (or at
least looking) productive.
mulcahey - 1 hours ago
at least most of the
time...https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/731604873540685825
SQL2219 - 1 hours ago
I spent 10 years in a bootstrapped startup, I'm definitely behind.
I should've stopped after 3 years.
CM30 - 4 hours ago
It's probably also worth noting that a lot of these stories of teen
geniuses and young billionaires and what not are ones you're
hearing about because they're noteworthy and unusual. That's what
gets them media coverage, what inspires people to constantly
discuss them on social media and why so many people are discussing
them in general.Most people won't end up in that situation (as a
prodigy who'll change the world before they're 30), and that's
perfectly fine. Go ahead and put in more effort if you think you're
not doing as well as you could be, but also remember that one in a
billion success stories are outliers rather than the norm. Remember
that what's in the news is there because it's unusual. Man bites
dog stories are obviously going to be more common than the other
way around, despite the other one being a few thousand times more
likely.TLDR: Don't compare yourself to extreme outliers, at least
if you don't want to feel like a complete failure.
dade_ - 6 hours ago
"Don't waste time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with
yourself." -Mary Schmich
paulgb - 6 hours ago
For nostalgia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI
insertnickname - 9 hours ago
For the love God, why is the opacity set to 0 on the text? So that
JS can be used to fade in the text... Why would you do this? You're
just annoying people who do have JS enabled with annoying
animations and barring people who don't have JS enabled from
reading your content. It's not even that JS is used to dynamically
fetch the content, all the content is right there in the HTML, it's
just deliberately hidden with CSS.
rdiddly - 5 hours ago
Aha, so that's why mine was totally blank (the text never
appeared). I had to turn off my ad blocker to read it.
Macha - 8 hours ago
There's a school of design thought that the FOUT (flash of
unstyled text) is worse than delayed text loading so they hide
the text and reveal it once the web font is loaded). Browsers
even put in a default delay before using the fallback font to
appease this point of view, but hacks to enforce it even on slow
connections still exist from time to
time.https://www.paulirish.com/2009/fighting-the-font-face-
fout/(Personally I think it's insane, especially when many of
these sites have ads which reshuffle content much more violently
than any FOUT. Also now you have hacks to enforce the old
behaviour: https://css-tricks.com/fout-foit-foft/ )
wwweston - 5 hours ago
I don't think of it as insanity so much as a kindness --
they're generously signaling up front that they consider their
content less valuable than their font choices.This helps me
value the content accordingly.
a3n - 6 hours ago
> For the love God, why is the opacity set to 0 on the text? So
that JS can be used to fade in the text...Ah.How long was I
supposed to wait for this fade-in? I skim/read the HN comments,
went back and the body was still blank."Too cute to read."
eternauta3k - 8 hours ago
If you're using Firefox, the "Reader View" button fixes many
sites like this.
jdorfman - 5 hours ago
The greatest advice I got from someone was to never compare
yourself to someone's highlighted reel. That changed my life.
manmal - 4 hours ago
The way I can feel really good about my life is this (actually very
similar to what OP says):- Accept this very moment, and all the
moments before this one as unchangeable. Since any additional
decision or action will take place in the future, this moment is
the only possible state of the world I currently live in.
Fate/environment/god/entropy/myself (whatever one believes in) led
me here, and it could not have happened in any other way, or it
would have.- What I can have an effect on is the future (as the
article says) - I can STRIVE to make a certain improvement or reach
a goal.- Whether or not I reach a goal is almost always not
entirely dependent on me, and is therefore uncertain, and it would
not make sense to expect it 100% to happen. So I don't fully rely
on it, and have a Plan B and maybe C available.
Fate/environment/god/entropy always has the last word on my
reaching a goal, and since I cannot change that, I also have to
accept it.Not accepting unchangeable situations is IMO a major
source of suffering. Finding out what I can or can not, or maybe
should not change is an ongoing struggle.
dcolgan - 8 hours ago
Like all advice, this is good for some people and bad for others.
I've heard a whole lot of advice to slow down, make sure you don't
burn out, and don't miss life. And for people who are putting tons
of pressure on themselves to achieve, this is excellent advice.For
me personally I've had a lot more free time than most people
because I've worked part time freelance for the last few years, and
I could probably reach my goals faster if I "kick it into gear" a
bit. As I think Derek Sivers said, advice often reflects the state
of the giver of said advice more than anything.
rdiddly - 5 hours ago
Almost right. I would say that telling yourself you're behind, and
telling yourself you're right where you're intended to be, are both
flavors of the same thing, which is telling yourself a story about
the truth. You don't need the story, you only need the bare
minimalist truth itself. You did what you did. You didn't do what
you didn't do. Now pick another thing and do it. When it's done you
can tackle the next one.
ssaddi - 1 days ago
very nice article. Uplifting. So many times people feel otherwise
because they are compelled to think this way ...
KirinDave - 2 hours ago
Articles like this make me uncomfortable, in part because of the
huge sum of work I put into making sure I'm abreast of major
developments in my field, and learn new fields.I did this because I
am behind (my Christian School was just awful for the most part,
physics was God's love and math was for liars and moneylenders),
and I'll probably never, ever catch up.But still, I am trying to
improve. But sometimes I talk to folks who don't work as hard at my
tradecraft. They make fun of other folks who do. They try and shape
the field to suit their lazy "this didn't outright fail so it's
success" mindset.Odds are, if you're a programmer you ARE behind.
The field moves fast, no one does post-graduate teaching.
Conferences are hit or miss and taught by the same folks. You need
to work hard to fix it.
fratlas - 1 hours ago
How do you attempt to fix being behind? Books, blog posts?
crush-n-spread - 26 minutes ago
Books are good if you do the exercises alongside each chapter.
Blog posts are also useful if you need a breakdown of a
specific technical subject. However the best way to improve, in
my opinion, is to play in your mind with mental models of
whatever you're studying. Thus, if you wanted to be a great
programmer, I think you should build up mental models of many
reputable open source software projects and play with those
mental models. That basically builds up your neurons to quickly
recognize patterns in new software situations.It's like music.
Play a lot, listen a lot, and you'll build up a mental library
of riffs and sounds that you can use to build a song or phrase.
If you play with software a lot then you'll see those patterns
and become a better composer, and you'll also be comfortable
answering questions about optimization, architecture etc.But
not huge on blog posts. Not engaging enough.
yogipatel - 2 hours ago
> This is an excerpt of a book I?m writing.Damnit!
Walkman - 2 hours ago
When you realize and accept this, you can start focusing on your
future and stop whining abut your past.
bryananderson - 5 hours ago
The fear of regret can be quite motivating, but regret itself is
unremittingly demotivating. Isn't that strange?Perhaps the best
mindset is to always forgive yourself for past mistakes and believe
that you can accomplish everything that you want - but only if you
get to work right now. After all, if you don't, you'll regret it.
guskel - 8 hours ago
Employers and gatekeepers in general disagree.
bluejekyll - 5 hours ago
This is very Stoic in its philosophy. If you agree with it, you may
enjoy reading 'Meditions', a collection of writings from the Roman
emperor Marcus Aurelius, from aprox. 170 C.E. which explore many
Stoic ideas.
jondubois - 8 hours ago
For the past 10 years, I only spent about 4 to 8 hours per week on
entertainment - All the rest of my time was divided between work
and sleep (I only sleep 5 hours per day on weekdays). Financially,
I have nothing to show for it unfortunately so I really feel like
I'm behind and that I've missed the boat on many things. What makes
it particularly difficult is that I was working really hard the
whole time - When I read articles about (comparatively) lazy people
who feel that they are behind, it makes me upset because it reminds
me that I should be feeling worse than I'm actually feeling -
Because I actually tried and I could have been having fun or
procrastinating instead - I would be happier overall because I
could accept my predicament more easily (and my mind wouldn't be
burdened with ambition).If you're behind because you were lazy, you
can laugh about it. If you're behind because the stars didn't line
up for you (E.g. the carpet got pulled from underneath you several
times) then it's hard to laugh about it.In retrospect, being lazy
isn't too bad.
leggomylibro - 3 hours ago
Luck is a huge common factor in all of the big success stories I
see, but you do still have to make a moonshot to get lucky with
one.I'm sure a lot of garage computer engineers in the '80s have
a few boxes of boards that could well have been the Next Big
Thing, if only X/Y/Z.
whytaka - 57 minutes ago
Being unremarkable is easier to accept if you tried and failed
than if you know you never really tried at all and you squandered
the chance.
anvandare - 6 hours ago
The only person you are ever in competition with is yourself. Our
'competitors' are just the measurements against which we compare
and test ourselves.Think of your life as a sand castle. Sure,
others have nicer ones (or worse ones), but in the end they will
all be swept away by the tide. The existence of other castles in
no way diminishes the value of your own. All that matters is
that you are happy with the castle are building, because that's
the only person you are building the castle for. Life is a game,
but it does not have a high score screen at the end.(Or, to sound
more down-to-earth: no use crying over spilled milk.)
sandcastles - 3 hours ago
Did you just make up the sand castle analogy?
anvandare - 2 hours ago
To the best of my knowledge, yes. It's possible I once
overheard/read it somewhere, and have forgotten the source,
but it lingered in my brain somewhere.In addition, with 100
billion+ people existing throughout the entirety of the human
race, it's unlikely I was the first to think of anything I've
ever thought.
rifung - 2 hours ago
Well at least you don't have to regret that you failed because
you didn't try hard enough. Plus, I'm sure you learned a lot
along the way even if things didn't work out. I hope that you
found your work fulfilling if not entertaining; if not, perhaps
there's something wrong.Nevertheless for all you know the
knowledge you've gained so far will help you achieve the success
you desire in the future.
watwut - 7 hours ago
You should not feel worse than you are actually feeling, there
should be no mandatory feelings. Bad feelings over your extended
effort sounds to me like wanting additional unfair punishment. In
any case, lazy people feel guilt which you have no reason to
feel.Through, putting enough time away for sleep or needed
rest/socialization is not being lazy. People are more effective
when they sleep enough, meetings are shorter when people coming
in don't feel lonely and so on and so forth. I mean, being lazy
is bad, but spending some time watching a show, reading book or
keeping friends does not make you lazy.And I mean, I am pretty
sure you learned something from the experience. If you try
another project/business, your chances of success go up due to
what you learned. If you would watched tv whole time, you would
learned precisely zero.
[deleted]
penguat - 8 hours ago
You have invested your time in some ways; others have invested
theirs in other ways.Lazy is a very loaded term - I'm hesitant to
subscribe to the notion that keeping up with Game of Thrones is
any less an investment of time. As examples of the value of such
an investment, you can then discuss it with your friends and
coworkers, facilitating social cohesion and acceptance. You can
use it a tool to encourage you to take a step back, and look at
other things you are doing from a different perspective.Sleep is
another investment, the value of which has been much-discussed
here and elsewhere. I'd encourage you to invest in it.Perhaps
your investments have been commercially focused - this is no bad
thing. You will have learned directly about the work you have
been doing, people's behaviour around you and yourself. You have
learned some of what you are capable of - working so hard in
impressive in itself, this is a capability you can understand and
rely on later! You will have gained a reputation with some of the
people you have been working with. If you are still on good terms
with any of them, you can use this to better understand yourself,
and you can seek recommendations from them.That said, not all
investments work out. I'm sorry your investment has not brought
you what you expected.Please try to focus on what you have
learned and gained, and keep actively choosing your investments.
You're almost certainly doing fine, and if not, please ask for
help.
ethbro - 41 minutes ago
> That said, not all investments work out. [...] Please try to
focus on what you have learned and gained, and keep actively
choosing your investments.This, critically. The extrapolation
of "most successful people have a long string of failures
behind them" is that, from any point in time before your
success, it looks like you're wasting your time.The important
thing then is to try and evaluate whether you're actually
wasting your time or early but on the right path.Many things
are useful here. Evaluating incremental micro-goals: what are
the things that will help you attain your larger goals and are
your current actions checking these off? Soliciting feedback
from trusted peers: recognizing that success usually looks a
little crazy (otherwise, someone else would be doing it), do
they believe you're on a plausibly successful path or have any
feedback in changes you could make? Attending more meetings
where people like you are sharing their successes and failures:
thereby avoiding comparing yourself to the 100 one-
in-a-millions we read about here on HN?In short, worry about
whether your current trajectory has the highest likelihood of
success you can achieve. Not whether you're already
successful.(And allow for a variety of end states that are
successful. To some, a loving family is the highest success.
And that's a valid choice.)
ianai - 8 hours ago
Don't value the means based on the outcome. Every experience in
life is life itself. Take care of what you spend your time doing.
If you enjoy the moment then the outcomes are stepping stones to
the next thing, whatever that may be.
coldtea - 7 hours ago
>What makes it particularly difficult is that I was working
really hard the whole timeIf working hard made a difference by
itself, tons of minimum wage workers will be rich by now...>In
retrospect, being lazy isn't too bad.Money isn't everything,
especially "success" in the BS way the US rat race defines it.
You don't need millions, heck not even one million. 99% of the
world, and most of the US live their live? without ever having
one in the bank anyway.Find something you love, whether it's work
related or something you find fun, and enjoy it. And/or enjoy the
company of people, family, etc.
enraged_camel - 2 hours ago
>>99% of the world, and most of the US live their live? without
ever having one in the bank anyway.Sure, but if you want to
have real influence, you need lots of money. We are talking
about things like owning media conglomerates and shaping the
way the world thinks and behaves.That to me is a lot more
interesting than having your own tiny slice of the pie and
going through the motions until you die.
dvfjsdhgfv - 2 hours ago
I still think it's overrated. Let's take Trump for example -
he has both money and power (arguably more than mainstream
media since he won in spite of them). Do you think he's
happy? He doesn't seem to be. Would even more money and power
make him happier? I doubt it.
fratlas - 2 hours ago
I think Musk is a better example. Money is just a medium
for him to change the world for the better. I'm sure being
rich makes Musk happy, only because it enables him to make
a difference.
ethbro - 50 minutes ago
I think they're both pretty happy. Musk is doing what he
wants to do. Trump is doing what he thought he wanted to
do.
coldtea - 28 minutes ago
>Sure, but if you want to have real influence, you need lots
of money.Real influence for what? Power over people?You can
change the lives of people around you without "real
influence" that comes from money. Not even need to do
volunteer in some organization or whatever. Can start by
being around for relatives and friends in need. Or some
neighbor that has some problem -- perhaps they're old and
nobody ever visits them, or can't afford even a basic medical
procedure. Even political influence, if that's what was
talked about, can be attained with almost no money at all --
just sticking to your ideas, telling people about them,
organizing others to help, etc.>We are talking about things
like owning media conglomerates and shaping the way the world
thinks and behaves.Are we? Who the duck cares about "owning
media conglomerates" -- if it wasn't for the money it
implicitly also means that is?TFA's author talks about
feeling behind in his work/life progress, and the parent
comment in this thread as well. How did that escalate to
"owning media conglomerates"?The idea that "owning media
conglomerates" is really an actual important goal to achieve
in life lest you just "run through the motions", is
incredibly dismissive not billions of loving, caring, happy,
heroic, etc people living totally normal lives. And even if
it was valid, that just leaves around 100-200 positions in
the world. Heck, 10,000 if you like. The rest 7 billion -
10,000 just go "through the motions", really?Besides, the
kind of people that do own "media conglomerates" were either
already the scum of the earth to begin with, making their way
up by being in bed with power etc, or become that in the
process.
bsg75 - 6 hours ago
> Financially, I have nothing to showWas this because individual
projects or endeavors were not successful, or the companies you
invested time in were not?Also, the results of the last 10 years
can help determine the approach of the next 10. Until you are too
old or sick to move, there is always time for R&R.(Disclaimer:
I'm approaching 50 and always feel behind)
jondubois - 40 minutes ago
Both; I've always had a side project over the years while I was
working for startups as well. I must have gone through at least
12 startups (in addition to 3 of my own side projects; each
taking up about 3 years of my spare time).All the startups I
joined sounded promising but the tech environment in Australia
was really tough back then (still is, I think).I did manage to
get a small number of shares in a startup which appears to be
doing relatively well now but no exit yet (it's also the
startup which I worked for the longest; 2 years)... All the
other ones just failed. I really understand first-hand what it
means when people say that 9 out of 10 startups fail. When I
think that my experience of success/failure is probably
'normal' it really freaks me out how bad the odds are (versus
what the media makes them look like).The lesson I learned is
that it appears to be completely random. It's just about being
in the right place at the right time; the best you can do is
just change companies a lot until you join one that's obviously
going up like a rocket and try to get some shares.I've met a
few founders who got very lucky and they don't have the
slightest clue how weird/unlikely their success is; they live
in a different, much simpler world than me.
nxc18 - 4 hours ago
If your worried about money, is suggest getting a job at a decent
company (reading between the lines it sounds like you've put your
time in ventures) and having a financial plan. A small dose of
austerity and planning can make you a millionaire in a short
time, with relatively little risk. It won't be more money than
you know what to do with, but you'll be comfortable enough to
retire and then be as lazy as you want. Or you'll have the
financial security to pursue a venture comfortably.The great
thing about living frugally is you can actually have a great
lifestyle while doing it. For example, I could re-create a fancy
$10 breakfast sandwich from a local coffee shop in 10 minutes and
for less than $1 per sandwich. You can eat like a king for a
fraction of what eating out costs, and you'll probably get better
quality.If you're in the bay area, you should probably get out
unless you're being paid enough to make it worth it (most
aren't).In ten years you can have far more security, money, and
free time than the average person can even think of. And its
really not that hard. For a techie, living paycheck to paycheck
is very much a choice.
wonderbear - 2 hours ago
> If you're in the bay area, you should probably get out unless
you're being paid enough to make it worth it (most
aren't).Agreed.The number of twenty (or even thirty)
-somethings I've met who have been trying to make it in the bay
area for years and still don't have more than a few month's
worth of expenses saved up worries me. Y'all are in an
incredibly vulnerable position, and it's not going to get
easier to make wages the older you get.
enraged_camel - 2 hours ago
Nah, I want "fuck you money" so that work becomes optional. I
want to work on what I want, not what someone else wants. I
want to work because I want to, not because I have
to.Retirement isn't good enough. By the time you retire you are
in your 60s, which is too late for me.
kcorbitt - 1 hours ago
You can reach financial independence in your 30s if you work
for a big tech company for 10 years and watch your spending.
I think that's what your parent comment was referring to.
ruleabidinguser - 1 hours ago
No one really wants to work
tastyface - 3 hours ago
For me personally, "being lazy" is awful because I'm stuck in a
constant battle between my personality (which wants to mould to
the shape of my couch and watch TV forever) and my mind (which
desperately wants to leave a mark on the world). Every day I
spend couch potatoing feels like a complete and utter failure of
the soul, and it seems like most of my effort is actually spent
on trying to bend my personality into the shape I want it to be.
If you try and fail, at least you're still left with that
invaluable experience! Most accomplished people have a repertoire
of failures behind them; most don't seem to have years of dicking
around.
jaggederest - 1 hours ago
I've felt like this my entire life. Turns out for me that it is
a symptom of (undiagnosed) ADHD - an execution problem, not a
motivational problem. Having gotten that diagnosed, it's a very
significant change in my life. To be cliche, the first day of
the rest of my life.For many people, "trying to bend their
personality into the shape [they] want it to be" is fruitless,
totally counterproductive.The first thing I had to learn was
that in order to change my behavior, I had to change my
environment, not my attitudes. My attitudes are fine, indeed,
perhaps excessively eager.It's possible that other people could
take something away from that, ADHD or not, it's better to
accept and appreciate who you are and the value you bring to
the world, and instead seek to make changes to where you are,
what is around you, and how you relate through that to the rest
of the world.
ruleabidinguser - 1 hours ago
What reason is there to think ADHD is just nice words for
failure?
jaggederest - 57 minutes ago
Objective physiological and neurological differences in
brain structure?
speeder - 18 minutes ago
What you changed in your environment?(I ask because I had
same experience, except now that I am diagnosed I am
struggling to find what I am supposed to do... I am kinda
spinning in place without going anywhere)
babaganoosh89 - 2 hours ago
What's so great about TV? If you want to do something then do
it. Otherwise you didn't want to do it in the first place.
aoeuasdf1 - 2 hours ago
People contain multitudes. "You" aren't a single entity which
wants or doesn't want things. There is such thing as internal
conflict.
ethbro - 53 minutes ago
The two of you are saying the same thing with different
definitions.
ruleabidinguser - 1 hours ago
Personally disagree
[deleted]
z3t4 - 3 hours ago
This reminds me that I should be working instead of reading HN.
It's Sunday evening and family is asleep, you now got around one
hour where you can either do house chores, relax, or work on
something. One life, one hour, make it count.
agentgt - 2 hours ago
Really what has sort of stuck with me that is analogous is Alan
Watts talks on living. Particularly about life being a
dance.http://www.befreetoday.com.au/alan-watts-life-not-
journey/Yeah it's a little pop culture but the way he talks about
things is very accessible.
foobarbecue - 7 hours ago
Reading this made me realize that my regret usually targets the
previous hours or day. Generally, if I look at the last month or
year or decade, I'm impressed with what I've accomplished. And yet
I'm always disappointed with my immediate past. I think this short-
term regret may be the reaction mass I'm igniting to propel me
forward.To borrow a phrase from finnthehuman above, this short-term
regret is the fire lit under my ass. I think I'd better ignore
Zack's article and keep feeding it. It drives my overall happiness.
corey_moncure - 39 minutes ago
I didn't have any regrets until I sat and watched cryptocoin for
6 years and did nothing about it.
leggomylibro - 7 hours ago
"We always overestimate the change that will occur in the next
two years and underestimate the change that will occur in the
next ten. Don't let yourself be lulled into inaction."- Bill
Gates
sebastianconcpt - 2 hours ago
Beautiful. We also need an intellectual vaccine: there is a
cultural war going on where one of the powerful sides is an
industry of hysteria-based pretended self-victimhood. Many fell
into this epidemic hysteria that is pathologic to the core.
AdamGibbins - 3 hours ago
The entire content of this blog does not load unless I disable
uBlock, I just get an empty white box.
ptr_void - 3 hours ago
Works fine for me with uBlock
mcguire - 3 hours ago
Apropos of nothing,"Zack Kanter, Boulder, CO-based entrepreneur,
speaker, futurist, and writer, CEO of Proforged, amateur chef, all-
around nerd."I don't think that's the Proforged
(http://proforged.com/) that makes suspension parts.Or maybe it is.
https://github.com/Proforged
ogreface - 1 hours ago
That's him. Though he doesn't seem to have updated his personal
website, he's now CEO/Founder of Stedi: http://www.stedi.com/
mooreds - 30 minutes ago
Yup. I imagine that running Proforged caused him to want to
simplify EDI.
finnthehuman - 7 hours ago
This is narrowly tailored advice presented more broadly than to the
context it's useful for. And it's not the best way forward in that
case, either.If someone needs a fire lit under their ass to get
going, a sense of falling behind their expectations for themselves
can be a perfectly useful motivating factor.Of course it can become
all-consuming if that's all they've got as a life planning system.
It's a setup that will inevitably trigger the brain's way of
telling them there is a contradiction between desires and perceived
actions. Regret doesn't have to be stressful, but this guarantees
it is.Throwing it away for a self-evaluation system that nullifies
regrets is jumping to another extreme. Best case scenario is lying
to yourself long enough to let your actual value system catch up.
Or maybe it'll make someone lazy and complacent in a way that
they're content with and much later come to regret that too, or
maybe it will lead to the clich?d cycle of a "fresh start" every
few months.Building and maintaining a system of motivation,
discipline and self-evaluation that lets someone live their life
while working towards their goals productively for decades requires
good mental hygiene, a topic with suspiciously few quality
resources.
Animats - 17 minutes ago
Remember, if you are not one up, you are one down. - S. Potter.
codingdave - 8 hours ago
You shouldn't freak out over being "behind" in life. But you
shouldn't be complacent either. If you start acting on it today, in
6 months you no longer be behind. So don't beat yourself up over
where you are today. But do step up and move forward.This will
matter much more later in life, when the reasons for being behind
aren't laziness, but other life events. Accidents, injuries,
getting derailed if you have children and go without sleep for what
feels like 5 years. The normal trials and tribulations of life that
everyone goes through. And then when they are over, having to get
back on track. Getting in the habit of just stepping up, dusting
yourself off, and getting going again is a good habit to make as
soon as possible.
[deleted]
sarreph - 8 hours ago
"Regret is just a horrible attempt at time travel that ends with
you feeling like crap."What a great analogy!
jblow - 6 hours ago
The article as a whole is nonsensical.It is a little bit correct
when it says that regret is not a useful reaction to a past you're
unhappy with, but even that by itself is misleading. Regret is a
useful emotion that helps you shape future actions. What is not
useful is paralyzing regret, or any flavor of regret that keeps you
wallowing in the past.When he says "you are not behind", that is
mostly wrong. If you're 25 and aren't yet doing anything individual
and attemptedly groundbreaking with your life, you probably are
behind, if that kind of thing is your goal. Sticking your head in
the sand is not going to make this better. Being complacent and
saying it's fine, I am only 25, no wait 26, no wait 27 until you
are 40 isn't going to help either.There is a reason the human mind
is able to conjure phantasmal pictures of "where we should be" --
because that is useful. If you choose to ignore that in order to
have a shallow feel-good time in the short term, you do so to your
own detriment.All that said, if you are genuinely content with
where you are today, then everything is fine and you don't need
externally-imposed images to tell you where you "should" be. This
advice is only for people who deep-down want to build interesting
new things.My last comment is ... this seems like an excerpt from a
self-help book written by someone who perhaps should gain further
life experience before writing a self-help book. When you decide to
write a self-help book you take upon yourself a substantial ethical
burden, because if you give the wrong advice, you can affect many
peoples' lives in a negative way. So you should make sure you
really know what you are talking about.
tastyface - 3 hours ago
Oh man, I wish I knew how to better deal with that paralyzing
regret. I'm turning 29 in a few months, and I've been spending
the last ~5 years almost entirely trying (and usually failing) to
work on major personal projects, solo. Sometimes I tally up all
the months where I effectively did nothing and gape in horror.
Usually I'm fine, but on some days, after seeing all the 25-year-
old creators peddling their incredible companies, art, games,
etc. on HN and Reddit ? which in turn took them 5-10 years prior
to that to get good enough to make ? I fall into a nearly
catatonic despair. When will I have time to learn all that stuff?
Was it really worth giving up 5 years of my social and
professional life just to chase some stupid dream? Emotionally, I
often feel like a 80 year old man, seeing no real future in front
of me.Common advice is "learn to be happy with what you have",
but that will never work if your dream is to do something Great,
for future generations to remember -- to not throw away your
shot.What noticeably cheers me up is reading about all the people
who started doing interesting things only in their 30's and
forward, or those who reinvented themselves at some point in
their lives and went on to be famous only on their second (or
third) wind. I wish we had more of their stories instead of the
endless parade of young genius entrepreneurs. Learning about the
breadth and diversity of human experience is always such a
pleasure, and it helps me remember that shaping your life and
personality to meet your intellectual goals can be a grueling,
decades-long process.(Incidentally, reading Show Stopper! about
the NT kernel was really great for this: although Dave Cutler was
clearly a very accomplished engineer at the start of the book, he
was in his 40's and experienced mostly in "archaic" technology
when Microsoft decided to hire him. This wasn't at all the focus
of the book, but it was wonderful to witness the power of a
competent mind so quickly and confidently adapting to new
technologies and problem domains!)
Bakary - 2 minutes ago
>Common advice is "learn to be happy with what you have", but
that will never work if your dream is to do something Great,
for future generations to remember -- to not throw away your
shot. reading about all the people who started doing
interesting things only in their 30's and forward, or those who
reinvented themselves at some point in their lives and went on
to be famous only on their second (or third) wind.You've
mentioned fame and being remembered by others. Is your main
desire to do things or to be celebrated for having done things?
Which one of those scenarios appears in your mind when you
fantasize about your future? The answer to this question can
sometimes be the difference between a miserable life and a
happy one.
flachsechs - 3 hours ago
stop wishing you would do something great, and do something,
period. nobody talks about their crappy first or second
attempts, because they almost always are not worth talking
about.
tastyface - 3 hours ago
Yes, I'm learning that lesson more and more as time goes on.
I just wish I could look at the calendar of my life and be
able to emotionally deal with the 3-4 years of "lost time".
bluejekyll - 5 hours ago
> Being complacent and saying it's fine, I am only 25, no wait
26, no wait 27 until you are 40 isn't going to help either.I
don't think I read it that way. There are many reasons why
someone was not able to or capable of doing something at age 25;
finances, experience, whatever. Maybe you just didn't discover
the thing you were passionate enough to follow. Maybe you had to
care for an ailing family member for 10-15 years, should they not
still not follow their own path?The age at which you discover
passion is irrespective of deciding to follow it. And you act
like 40 is the end of the road, when in fact for many 40 is just
the beginning of when they are financially secure enough to
strike out on their own.People should stop focusing so much on
age, and if there was any good message in this article, that's
it. Forget about what you haven't done, stop comparing yourself
to others, and follow your own path.
aaron-lebo - 5 hours ago
Tesla was digging ditches for competitors at 27. Was digging
ditches a waste of his talent? Yes. Would he have been capable
of giving his name to a car company without that experience?
How would we know?(In comparison, fellow eccentric Howard
Hughes had his entire public career - aviation records, hit
movies, plane designs, business moves, social life, by the same
age Musk is now).
bluejekyll - 3 hours ago
It's worth noting that Hughes started out with a 1 million
dollar inheritance from his parents. He managed to convert
that to a 2 billion dollar fortune.Tesla on the other hand
was always struggling for money (much of that could be
attributed to poor management of what he had).
thewarrior - 4 hours ago
Just like that Van Gogh dude who just started seriously drawing
at 25.Way behind he was.And don't get me started on that slouch
Cezanne . What with becoming a master in his 60s and all that.
tastyface - 3 hours ago
And Henri Rousseau, who only started painting in his 40s!
Largely self-taught, too.
robotresearcher - 1 hours ago
And how happy was Van Gogh?
johncolanduoni - 4 hours ago
Also people who do a PhD in the physical sciences (just
restricting it because I don't know how long other PhDs
generally take) without doing anything groundbreaking by their
4th year are behind. Which I guess is true as long as there are
Terence Taos around.
aaron-lebo - 5 hours ago
I'll be honest, the post originally came off as fluffy, though
not enough to say anything about it, but your comment made me
reread it.I really don't think you guys disagree that much.
You're talking about different perspectives (not behind yourself
vs not behind others) and a different focus (you on regret, him
on forgiveness). Otherwise you both have some great wisdom in
what you've said, don't think it's necessary to put him down so
thoroughly.
nxsynonym - 4 hours ago
>>If you're 25 and aren't yet doing anything individual and
attemptedly groundbreaking with your life, you probably are
behind, if that kind of thing is your goal.I think this is the
biggest take away. Feeling "behind" is always relative your goal.
The feeling is also influenced by a "success bias" in which the
examples/role models you see or hear about are the successful
ones. Yes, compared to where Bill Gates was at your same age
you're probably behind - but what about the other countless
number of people your age with similar goals? How do you stack up
to them? That should be your real metric rather than the 1 in a
million success stories.I agree in that regret is a useful
emotion. But only as, as you said, a tool for evaluation and
recalculation. Personally I believe it is better to make
decisions based on asking your self "if I do/don't do x, will I
be closer or further from my goals?" rather than making decisions
based on "oh man if I only did x or y 10 years ago I would be
where I want to be".I think it can nicely be summed up with: "The
best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time
is now."also - I know it's become a bit of a meme at this point,
but "pivoting" or changing your goals isn't as bad of a thing as
people make it out to be. I don't find there is anything wrong
with re-evaluating and changing future goals based on progress
and failure. I find it's better to change your goal based on a
previous failure rather than give up completely or become stuck
in the paralyzing regret phase.
jblow - 4 hours ago
> but what about the other countless number of people your age
with similar goals? How do you stack up to them? That should be
your real metric rather than the 1 in a million success
stories.I disagree with that. Most people are not successful,
so if your target is the average, you are aiming at a data
point that represents lack of success. It is important to
understand that most successful people are not normal, and the
higher the level of success, the less normal they are.> "The
best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best
time is now."Totally.